A wreckage of a reality check

Just came back from the Choir trip to Sabah and im already missing it like crazy. We had too much fun there (even though we mostly just ate and slept).

But then again, as I was thinking about the the trip's events and the aftermath, I came to realise something:

I'm not as old as I think.

I've completely forgotten just how young I really am. There are many things that I want to do but I just can't because of my age and many other factors related to my age. Psh, 15 aint a big number, it still starts with a number 1. I'm barely at the start of my life, and I'm already becoming a wreck.

And then another realisation (the one I personally HATE the most) hits me as I think about what happened during the trip:

I'm just a little kid trying to break a glass wall that cannot be broken.

All this time I've just been existing, just here in this blasted earth with absolutely no significance whatsoever. I'm just a kid who is trying so hard to grow up, to be different amongst a sea of people who outbest at everything possible. Looking at everyone, I finally see how distant I am from them.

Sure I have my own social circle, but there are times when I can't talk to them, coz I dunno what to say to them. I'm not one to walk up to you and say "Hey, nice weather eh?" Being caught between being a young teen and a young adult stinks. My social life is a wreck, my emotions are a wreck, my faith itself is also in danger. I'm doomed for sure.

The conclusion I draw? Life is meaningless, and the best you can do is to go out with a bang.

Yet there are people dumb enough to think that life is great. (not quoting Great Eastern here) To me, there's nothing to look forward to in life. Only the LORD can save me now. Don't ever tell me to live life to the fullest because there is nothing to live for. Seriously.

And I am also rather annoyed because of the one who constantly hounds around me, trying to break through even though I'm clearly uninterested.

Someone, free me from my torment.

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where?

On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries,
Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize, people need the Lord?

We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong seems right.
What could be too great a cost
For sharing Life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear.
They must hear the Words of Life
Only we can share.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize that we must give our lives,
For peo-ple need the Lord.

People need the Lord.